The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
