Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
