I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
