Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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