I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
