i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
