She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
