Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
zippers are such a cool invention
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
