I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
