Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize