Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
