i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
