So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
