Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
