come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
