I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
