The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
