You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
