Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize