Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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