Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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