and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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