Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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