thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
