Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
