Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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