They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
