he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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