could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
