i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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