god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
