Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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