Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
