Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
