Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
