Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
