does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
