i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
