dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
