Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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