The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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