Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
