I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I need a burrito and a hug.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
