Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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