my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We are two peas in an std pod
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
