We're facebook friends in real life
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
