..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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