I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
