I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize