$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
