the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
