If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
