Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
