Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
how drunk are you?
Several
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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