Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
