Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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