I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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