let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
