So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
