I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
