i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I did not marry a roomba.
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