I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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