The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
