There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
