some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When are your genitals available?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
