Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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