is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
