I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
