He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
