Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
