ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
