apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
