Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
