We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
