And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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