but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
