You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
