You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
