So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
