my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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