I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
