Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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