He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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