I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
