I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
