So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
