Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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