The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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