All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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