Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
