i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
