just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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