My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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