I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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