I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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