i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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