I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
