Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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